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It's been a while since I've updated. Well two months to be exact. As most of you are aware I am off school, so I am spending my weeks partially looking for work, partially learning to drive, partially walking my dog and partially taking summer school downtown.
I think it's safe to say that I almost hate driving as much as I hate math now. There's too many damn rules, too many mistakes I keep making and I feel like I can't really vent about it much because most people my age know how to drive already, which makes me feel more upset rather than encouraged. Not to mention when I'm failing at one thing, I immediately think of all the other things I fail at, ultimately causing me to spiral into a mid-adolescent crisis where I start believing I'll never get married, never have children and never get a job so why am I still here. I hate that feeling. It sucks. Eventually I just need to accept that everybody has gone through the same things I have, but that's the issue 'gone' is a past participle, not a present. And when other people your age have already done the same things you have, I think there's a greater pressure to be as good as them, so you end up being more hard on yourself. No one can understand that, except for me. Which makes me feel more like a misfit.
I am so dramatic.
When I'm alone, like at home or on the bus, I spend a lot of my time trying to decode myself. I think about life, I think about the things I'm learning about in class versus the things I was brought up to believe, and what is and what isn't true in each. I get disgusted by the degree of propaganda stuff I see people posting on facebook now so I don't like to go on it anymore. I often think about what makes an artist, whether it's about being perceptive, or overdramatic or perhaps a bit of both? I get frustrated with my writing and don't like reading my old fanfics anymore. I feel like I want to write an original story, but I don't know what.
I think I've already deduced that I want to live in the city when I have money. Just so I won't have to worry so much about managing a car. I ride public transit more than any of my friends do now, so none of that should be an issue. You can learn more about a city from taking transit than driving a car so I almost consider it to be better option for me.
Brave is coming out this month. I'm excited. Almost as excited as I was when Tangled was out two years ago.
I changed my tumblr layout. I am so in love with it, I keep on opening the page just to look at it. I am a weird person. www.bravelostmouse.tumblr.com
This month I'm working on two fanfics. And possibly taking alto saxophone lessons?
My writing well just dried up. AS YOU were!
I think it's safe to say that I almost hate driving as much as I hate math now. There's too many damn rules, too many mistakes I keep making and I feel like I can't really vent about it much because most people my age know how to drive already, which makes me feel more upset rather than encouraged. Not to mention when I'm failing at one thing, I immediately think of all the other things I fail at, ultimately causing me to spiral into a mid-adolescent crisis where I start believing I'll never get married, never have children and never get a job so why am I still here. I hate that feeling. It sucks. Eventually I just need to accept that everybody has gone through the same things I have, but that's the issue 'gone' is a past participle, not a present. And when other people your age have already done the same things you have, I think there's a greater pressure to be as good as them, so you end up being more hard on yourself. No one can understand that, except for me. Which makes me feel more like a misfit.
I am so dramatic.
When I'm alone, like at home or on the bus, I spend a lot of my time trying to decode myself. I think about life, I think about the things I'm learning about in class versus the things I was brought up to believe, and what is and what isn't true in each. I get disgusted by the degree of propaganda stuff I see people posting on facebook now so I don't like to go on it anymore. I often think about what makes an artist, whether it's about being perceptive, or overdramatic or perhaps a bit of both? I get frustrated with my writing and don't like reading my old fanfics anymore. I feel like I want to write an original story, but I don't know what.
I think I've already deduced that I want to live in the city when I have money. Just so I won't have to worry so much about managing a car. I ride public transit more than any of my friends do now, so none of that should be an issue. You can learn more about a city from taking transit than driving a car so I almost consider it to be better option for me.
Brave is coming out this month. I'm excited. Almost as excited as I was when Tangled was out two years ago.
I changed my tumblr layout. I am so in love with it, I keep on opening the page just to look at it. I am a weird person. www.bravelostmouse.tumblr.com
This month I'm working on two fanfics. And possibly taking alto saxophone lessons?
My writing well just dried up. AS YOU were!
It had to come out at some point.
I hate this month. I wish it was over. Quite frankly, I wish that summer was over already. Because my lack of a social life is really, REALLY starting to get to me. All my friends are out doing stuff: co-op, interns, going abroad, teaching etc. Technically I'm doing stuff too, but telling people that I take the bus downtown twice a week to get to summer school is hardly anything to brag about when everyone around you is going to EXCITING places and doing EXCITING things outside of the city. I don't want to bother people who have better things to do than talk to me. And I'm worried if I do try to make conversation with someone on Skype, one of
What the what?
I'm not sure if many of you know this, but since I joined dA in 2008, I've always set my homepage to view 'new' deviations rather than the 'popular stuff,' because I sympathize with amateur artists, and like showing my support to people who generally don't get a lot of hits on their work. But because a lot of things about dA have changed in the past 5 years, and because the 'new' section now consists of a lot of really bad instagram pictures done by 14 year olds, or base paintings for anime couples I don't know nor care about, I've finally decided to change my homepage and check out popular stuff instead.
And holy crap! There is some amazing
Ennui
There are some days when I wish I could just bypass through everything I need to be an adult: Getting a job, learning how to cook, a good job, a driver's license, a relationship. Because let's face it, those things take work. And after almost twenty-one years of living, I've lost all motivation to work for any of those things. Why? Because they involve getting hurt, making mistakes, going to bed at the end of the day and feeling like you're a damn idiot who's an embarrassment to society and should disappear from the world entirely because everyone hates you because you're not perfect. Just a useless, moving bag of flesh with no real talents o
dA's New Tagging System
So apparently when you upload artwork to dA now you don't have to separate your tags with commas anymore, just type in the keywords. And here I was wondering why I wasn't getting any hits on my fandom related stuff, now I'll have to go and fix up all my fanfiction submissions so they actually show up on dA's search engines.
I hope everyone is enjoying their time off school. I'm in my second week of summer school right and already have a midterm test and a proposal due next week, it kinda sucks. But on the plus side, not being in 5 courses means I have more time to slack off and write now.
Someone on YouTube has decided to continue my Harry
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Comments15
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You have you some fun, looks like you need it.
I'm no fan of driving either. I don't like it. All those little rules, I struggle with them too. Goddamn.
But you'll get there. You'll be a better driver in spite of it. And when you go to the city you'll never need to drive again if you don't want to. So take that, stupid cars.
I totally understand the bad at things thing. Again, I get it too. It's not fun when you are so under pressure that whenever you do mess up it becomes a reflection of how terrible you are at things.
I'd give advice on that if i had any that was good.
Nobody's really 'happy,' but we all do our best. All we can do is do what we love, and have a job so we can continue doing what we love, what we enjoy the most.
The difference between an artist and a non-artist is a word.
All you can do is be happy, y'know? It's hard to do, so find a way to do it and stick with it, and things will go uphill.
God, I don't like typing advice, it sounds too fake online.
I'm no fan of driving either. I don't like it. All those little rules, I struggle with them too. Goddamn.
But you'll get there. You'll be a better driver in spite of it. And when you go to the city you'll never need to drive again if you don't want to. So take that, stupid cars.
I totally understand the bad at things thing. Again, I get it too. It's not fun when you are so under pressure that whenever you do mess up it becomes a reflection of how terrible you are at things.
I'd give advice on that if i had any that was good.
Nobody's really 'happy,' but we all do our best. All we can do is do what we love, and have a job so we can continue doing what we love, what we enjoy the most.
The difference between an artist and a non-artist is a word.
All you can do is be happy, y'know? It's hard to do, so find a way to do it and stick with it, and things will go uphill.
God, I don't like typing advice, it sounds too fake online.